rosemarychungphotography asked a question:

Is it possible to be a worse person after attending church for so long? I feel like I was more disciplined and had better character and integrity when I wasn’t a Christian.

Hey dear friend, thank you so much for your honesty and for bringing up something that we all feel, but don’t dare to express.

I think the answer, as unhelpful as it might be, is yes and no. I notice a similar pattern among Christians – most of us experience huge growth spurts in the beginning because it’s all so exciting and new, but then it turns into begrudging obligation and critical self-punishment. It seems to happen in about 99% of the Christians that I know.

The irony perhaps is that the stronger you grow in faith, the more you become aware of your own faults and flaws. Christians are sensitive to their own shortcomings because we actually care, and when we grow in maturity, we stop making excuses and we quit the rationalizations. A sure sign of an immature person is one who cannot take responsibility for their own actions and won’t own up to their part; it was always someone else’s fault or an environmental factor. It could be true, but it doesn’t make us less sinful.

So you’re becoming self-aware, and seeing how bad our sin really is. When we get a glimpse of God’s holiness, we can’t help but feel wretched and naked and low. Even in the presence of better people, of skilled musicians or writers or scholars, we tend to feel like our progress was “dirty rags” (Isaiah 64:6). In the presence of God, this is amplified to an unbearable level. Because of Scripture, we suddenly have a very clear view of our issues – we regard them as sin instead of mistakes, and so we get very hard on ourselves.

Continue reading “Christianity Is Making Me Worse” →

Every once in a while I’ll meet someone with a lot of tattoos or a ton of piercings or who curses a lot, and when they find out I’m a Christian, they suddenly apologize for their demeanor and try to cover up. I always feel terrible and then I have to apologize just as quickly – because I don’t ever want anyone to feel pre-judged around me. But that’s often how Christians are seen. We judge, condescend, categorize, divide, bicker, and moralize. This is the message we give the most, and it really breaks my heart. I wish new people would feel the most comfortable and safe near me, like they did with Jesus. When someone says, “I knew you were a Christian,” I’m always hoping that’s a good thing.

— J.S.

Whenever I see a Christian leader begin to do great things in the news and gain traction in their community, I often hear, “He’s gone liberal. She’s straying from Scripture. He’s catering to the mainstream. She’s been going that way for a while now.”

I wonder if these things are said out of real concern or just insecurity. And it sort of grieves me that we can so quickly dismiss our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ who actually have their sleeves rolled up. It worries me that we force each other into a microscopic checklist of dogmatic doctrine by weaponizing the Bible into a noose. It’s terrible that we think “serving the community” means we’re somehow going soft on the Bible or compromising some Christian standard – when serving actually means we’re going hard with the Bible and raising the bar.

Maybe no one’s going “soft.” Maybe the more you hear about hurting people, the more you want to get involved in the mess, regardless of beliefs or qualifications. Maybe the more we walk with someone, the less we want to talk at them. Maybe the more we love Jesus, the more we want to step out of our tribal isolated ivory towers and into the real world of fractured, faithless lives. Maybe the older you get, the more you push back against those four walls of the choir. Maybe those political lines and labels are just phantom platforms to bolster our egos, when Jesus came to crush those things, because our neighbor will always be more important.

– J.S.