A lot of preachers tell you, “Remember when you first came to Jesus? Remember how awesome that was? Wasn’t there a time when you were more spiritually high than today? And look at you now.”

I understand what they’re saying. They always quote Revelation 2:4-5, because that’s a scary book with a scary name with scary verses. What they mean is: You’ve grown cold to this whole thing, it’s become a routine to pray and praise, you’ve seen all the Christmas plays and Easter revivals, you’re getting jaded to the dress-your-best on Sunday thing. So get back to where you were.

“Wasn’t there a time when you were more spiritually high than today?”

But — this is always true. It presumes a false scale in which hyped-up emotions are equivalent to “first love.” We can look back on Sunday School and call those the glory days, but a lot of times we’re confusing childlike faith with childish feelings.

I get why preachers use this kind of guilt: because it’s quick, efficient, easy, and they’re probably doing it the way they’ve been taught.

Yet if we’re motivating others by moving backwards, we’re only beating up the dead.

Continue reading “Confusing Nostalgia With First Love: You’re Growing More Than You Think” →

michchen asked a question:

What is your opinion on transsexual people? Besides the fact that God loves them, what does the bible have to say about it? I’ve been reading a lot of articles and I really don’t know what to think. I really respect your answers and wanted to know your take on it. Thanks 🙂

Hey there dear friend, I believe you’re referring to this post.

I’m not sure there’s a whole lot more to say than “God loves them” and that we’re called to love them, too. I’m afraid the Bible doesn’t go into specifics about this, and there’s probably a good reason for that.  Here’s why.

Some of us will be individually called to reach out to a certain group of people, whether gay or transgender or Republicans or the poor.  It will be helpful to understand that particular culture and language if you’re called to do so. But the moment we begin to see a certain group as a “charity case” or a “working project,” then we lose sight of the fact that they’re just people too, like you and me.  We’re not the savior and they’re not some secondary character to fulfill our hero-narrative. I’m not saying that this is your motive, but we too easily slip into main character syndrome and treat others like the props in our catharsis.

When I first began looking into gay rights and the abortion debate, that was my problem: I was treating it as an issue instead of seeing the people inside the issues.  I had to address the entire person as a whole, not by their “problem.”  Sure, I wanted to know what was offensive and what was acceptable; I wanted to know how God’s grace actively applied to each distinct context. But by seeing their problem as a problem, I was inadvertently calling attention to their “disadvantage” as a pseudo-savior instead of entering their world as equals.

In Asia, there’s currently a growing boom of cross-dressing and transgender individuals.  When I last visited (in the Philippines last year), I really just tried my best to see this person as a holistic life, who had to go home and pay bills and resolve conflicts and make it through rush hour and endure insults and visit the doctor and find God.  My priority as a Christian is to see the heart, because this is where love is most crucial — it is not to change someone’s behavior or opinions or appearance.  I can bring grace, truth, and conversation, and God will show up, like He always does.

Continue reading “So About Transgender People: Also Known As “People”” →

ipromiseyouwontknow asked a question:

Hi Pastor Park, Just curious, as a Pastor how do you get fed?

Hey there dear friend, while I can’t say I’ve got it all locked down, I can tell you the things I actively try my best on.

1) I read tons of books.

In the last three years, I’ve probably read about 150 Christian books and about a dozen fiction books.  This is not a replacement for Bible-reading or getting mentored, but it’s definitely helped me round out my thinking.  Doug Wilson talks about copiousness, in which our imaginations are struck by the constant perusal of literature.  It’s tough, but I’m thankful that God even gave me a high love of reading.

2) I listen to tons of podcasts.

I’m a sermon junkie.  I probably listen to about eight to ten hours of sermons per week in my car or before I sleep.  Again, this is no replacement for Bible-reading, and there are plenty of dangers in over-listening to podcasts.  But 99% of the time, I’m listening to sermons for me and not to grab ideas.

Continue reading “Five Ways For Leaders To Stay Fed” →

klee94 asked a question:

As a Christian woman who deeply cares about social justice issues, I find myself really despairing of finding a Christian guy who genuinely and actively cares about women’s rights, black rights, POC rights, etc. And all the while, my church culture pushes marriage and dating in my face pretty much every Sunday. I honestly sometimes feel like I won’t ever find the right, God-loving, guy and I’ve also been very fixated over my singleness. Any advice?

Hey dear friend, I think it’s tough to find anyone who cares deeply about social issues, or even worse, much of anything.  Most people who appear to “care” are either antagonistic and constantly demonize the other side, or it’s very shallow and only for hogging attention.  So when it comes to finding a friend with depth, it’s a long difficult search that can take a lifetime.

As far as your church culture goes, you can consider talking with your leaders about the over-emphasis on marriage — but regardless, please don’t let this shame you about yourself.  Don’t trust me or your church or a blog or a romantic comedy to say anything about who you are or your decisions.  And yes, singleness can be wonderful.

I want to gently encourage you to consider one thing.  It’s possible you have a “Wishlist” for a guy that would be an impossible unrealistic standard, and you might inadvertently pressure a date to fit your mold.  When he doesn’t, you’ll be constantly disappointed or you’ll belittle him.  The “Wishlist” type of thinking is cute but dangerous.  It revokes the capacity to accept that your partner could change, hence removing the agency of that person.  I’m not saying you’re doing any of this, but it’s critical to reflect upon ourselves with such brutal honesty.

The thing is, everyone is uniquely wired unto themselves.  No one, and I mean no one, will fit your dream guy, and even if he did, then life will change him into someone else over the course of time.  You might even meet a guy who cares very deeply about social causes, but then every other area of his life is downright terrible.

Continue reading “The Impossible Search For a Soul-Mate With My Interests” →

wherethecherryblossomsdance asked a question:

Hello! I’ve been re-reading some of your posts on rebuking, and I was wondering if you had any more tips? A friend and I are going to be staging an intervention for a mutual friend of ours because we’re tired of seeing her in pain and hurting. I know she’s probably going to be angry with us for this, hence why I was looking for tips on how to rebuke as Jesus would, and how to deal with the aftermath.

Hey dear friend, I know that’s incredibly hard to do and I’m thankful for friends like you who are willing to get in the mess.  I’m not sure I can give you formulas or an outline, because every person and situation is so different.

The one thing I can tell you is that I have never met a single person in the world who can properly handle rebuke.  It’s tough to hear the truth about yourself.  I’m talking about me too.  Even the most mature people I’ve ever known have melted down or flipped out when I calmly explained what I thought they could do better.  It’s a natural part of us to protect ourselves.  Even “suggestions” or “ideas” can threaten other people, because we’re all about self-preservation.  The worst church experience I ever had was making a suggestion to a celebrity pastor, which resulted in a 3am phone call full of f-bombs.

So there are two stages to prepare for.  The first is the initial pushback, when your friend will get emotional about what you’re saying.  They might cuss you out, defend themselves, do ugly cry-face, or shut down.  Let them have this.  Hear them out.  Don’t be too quick to say “You’re just butt-hurt,” whatever that means.  Their defense could be totally legitimate and you can end the conversation on the spot.

The second stage is after the rebuke.  No matter how cool your friend is, things will be awkward for a while.  Maybe two days, or two weeks, or in the case of a pastor I knew, it was almost two months.  Let it ride out.

If you can expect these things, then preparation is at least half the battle.  It won’t go perfectly.  Maybe your friend will surprise you and be the very rare person who takes it well and changes.  But be ready for messiness, and keep on loving like Jesus does.

— J.S.

Also check out:

– What Breaks My Heart Is When You Don’t Hear Mine

– Say Everything

– Please Do Not Rebuke With Self-Satisfying Relish

– Approaching a Leader About Their Attitude

– If You Haven’t Been Told “You’re Wrong” In A While — You Have No Real Friends and You’re Not One Either