We’ve all been in a crowd where someone starts doing the sassy finger and going into hater mode. “Did you hear about our dear so-and-so in Christ? Because not to be a gossiping jerk, but I’m about to be a gossiping jerk.”
It’s not too hard to stop your own mouth (simple: don’t start), but when someone else among friends starts going off on gossip, it gets awkwardly difficult to control. It’s not enough to just change subjects or step away.
So then, some ways to shut this down.
Anonymous asked:
How do I get over my fear of man? I know what ultimately matters is God’s opinion of me. Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart. I feel constantly misunderstood, or I make decisions out of fear, not love because I’m afraid of what others might think of me. I don’t give in to surface things like peer pressure, but it’s more of deeper things like what people think of me in ministry and my integrity. Am I idolizing my reputation? How can I care less what people think of me?
I believe this has been one of the most problematic issues my entire life, and I wish I could say I’m over it, but it’s not easy. Dear friend: It’s impossible not to think about what other people think about you. So if you trip over yourself or accidentally fart in public, then you can act as cool as you want, but you’ll be screaming to death inside. And that’s natural. We are relational creatures, and there’s no getting around the need to please people. Allow yourself a bit of breathing room here.
It takes time, patience, practice, and God-empowered grace to overcome this — and it often happens in layers. While I still feel the burning needle of other peoples’ opinions lodged in my heart, I’m also not as controlled by other opinions as I once was. You don’t have to rush the process.
But there is a process. I’ve learned over the years that whenever I feel the attention-seeking, people-pleasing, self-condemning fear, I break down this anxiety into several logical parts. It requires a discipline by the grace of God to really dig in. So here are some things to consider every time you feel the pressure.
Continue reading “Overcoming The Fear of Man, Image, and Reputation”
Anonymous asked:
I realized that I wasn’t as confident as I ought to be and in that period, I sought help from these youtube male confidence-coaching/life coaching channels. They can teach good things like speaking your mind, not being so self-conscious … but then there’s the drive to when it comes to attracting a woman – being an alpha (not a beta) male; walking with confidence, and just a number of other things that just make me so anxious and uncomfortable … What would a Christian notion of true male confidence even be? How does the ‘alpha-male’ notion stand up? Thanks again for your dedication for allowing God to use you to bless others, brother.
Hey there dear friend, I appreciate your honesty since I know it probably wasn’t easy to ask.
I think the main problem with “coaching” about male confidence or any other particular standard is that it inevitably becomes a contest with no goal. It’s a completely arbitrary, random finish-line that we’ll never be happy with. Any kind of “level” we’re trying to reach is going to be another burden, whether it’s a Twelve Top Things To Be A Man type of list or Five Steps to a Better You. Even a three-point sermon eventually becomes a guilt-trip that leaves us feeling like we’ll never make it.
The Christian Gospel is never about adding burdens on, but taking burdens off. This means that “striving for the ideal” is ultimately a phantom concept that implodes from the inside. Whether it’s the Christian trying to stay pure or the athlete going for gold or a businessman making the next dollar: all these goals, while good and important, cannot be the sum of a whole person.
Trying to be confident will always defeat itself, because it never knows when to rest or be content. It’s a kind of legalism that operates out of the human problem: a self-justifying heart that must bolster the ego or be motivated by fear. Both will kill us. Even the most “macho” looking dude is either operating out of prideful vanity or fearful self-shaming.
I think these coaches can say good things and it can be good to pick up tips from them, but really they’re only covering symptoms of a larger problem. It’s like pruning a tree but never watering the roots. The way the world works is to reach higher, better, faster, sharper, and more. But as you’ve found, this is such a neurotic self-measuring anxiety that it collapses.
True confidence, perhaps ironically, means you don’t really care about having it. As C.S. Lewis says, to give a good first impression you must not try to make a good first impression, and then it will happen by itself. How does someone do that? How does someone inherently, naturally, instinctively have a security so strong that they don’t care what anyone thinks, yet loves them too?
Continue reading “True Confidence Vs. False Bravado: How Fighting Insecurity Makes Us Insecure”
What is “sin”? Is it merely just drinking and cursing and skipping church? Why is the word “sin” still important today?
How sin explains the itchy longing inside every human heart, and why it’s good news that you’re a sinner.
Subscribe to my channel here.
Love y’all!
— J.S.
[Thank you to Steven Hause of pudgyproductions]
No one ever looks in the mirror and says, “I’m a jealous person,” because it implies other people are better than us or that we’re weak somehow, and we’re always trying to protect our egos.
Because it’s so hidden: jealousy is one of the most destructive problems of all. I’m so good at pretending I’m not jealous that I can disguise my hate as “criticism” and “observation” and “keeping it real.” Certainly criticism doesn’t always come from jealousy, but you can tell when it does.
I can attack someone’s weaknesses and presume a whole bunch of other weaknesses by clever extrapolation all while highlighting my strengths, and this makes me nothing more than a jealous petty little hater.
During testimony-time at church when everyone is confessing all kinds of drug addictions and sexual deviance, I’ve never heard a single person say, “I’ve destroyed others with my envy.” No one ever says, “I’m straight up drunk from haterade.”
When you see someone better than you — and we all do — there are two ways to respond.
1) Find ways to downgrade their human value, then rationalize your own contempt as justified criticism.
2) Celebrate their achievements and generously promote their growth while learning from them in humility.
Continue reading “Jealousy Vs. Generosity: A Generation Held Back”
Anonymous asked:
Tips on how to study the word of God? Thanks!
Hey dear friend, I totally got the thing for you.
1) Lather yourself in holy water borrowed from your local vampire hunter store.
2) Get in your booster chair and wear the bib that says, “Christmas? How about putting the CHRIST BACK IN CHRISTIANS #JesusJuke”
3) Put on 3-D glasses and your Bible Man cape and mask.
4) Use a fan to open your Bible and stop at any page with any of the Ten Plagues finger puppets.
5) Play “Mind Heist” by Zack Hemsey. You won’t regret it.
6) Read the Bible in a Welsh English accent as loud as possible.
7) Wait for a fiery dove to rip through your ceiling with a new chapter of Revelation, which should already be happening at your weekly prayer meetings.
By the way, if you actually do this, please record it and show me.
Okay, but seriously.
Reading the Bible is hard. The Bible wasn’t even mass-produced until the last few-hundred years, and suddenly we’re all guilt-tripping each other on “read more Bible or bring the lighter fluid for your stake-burning.” But the Bible itself is hard. Am I allowed to say that? It’s dang hard.
So I want to say first: It’s okay to feel dumb about it. The quicker we can admit, “This is way over my head,” then the safer we’ll feel to get help. Here’s some help then to read the Bible.
shatterrealm asked a question:
How would you say Christianity challenges you to think for yourself?
Hello dear sister in Christ! I have to plug you here and recommend your other blog, gothicchristian. I’m a fan!
Contrary to misinformed popular opinion, I would say Christianity challenges us to think for ourselves in several great ways.
1) God first and foremost commands us to think for ourselves.
If God’s commands are a way of describing reality and how it ought to work, then it’s a big deal that God wants us to think through to the bottom of everything. Passages like 1 John 4 and Proverbs 2:9-11 show that God wants us to have discernment and wisdom, and that “knowledge is pleasant to the soul.” Acts 17 is almost entirely about Paul wanting us to dig deep on what we really believe. God is absolutely pro-intellect and pro-science, and anyone who says otherwise hasn’t read the Bible very far.
2) Traditional Christianity had such a profound respect for knowledge that it practically kept libraries open during the so-called “Dark Ages.”
I know that not everyone will see eye-to-eye on this one, but modern scholars have completely dismissed the “Dark Age” myth and how “Christianity set us back for centuries.” This is a terrible misconception and only repeated by the shallowest of college students. Any medieval historian will tell you that early Christians cared so much about knowledge, whether pagan religion or Greek philosophy, that they preserved such teachings until it revitalized academia, to the point that you can link this revival with the scientific method and the Enlightenment. I personally believe the church has really lost their way on this in the twentieth and twenty-first century – but it must never be said that the early Christians tried to snuff out the sciences. It’s the very, very opposite. The purest state of Christianity will always seek knowledge in its purest form, no matter where it comes from, because the Christian believes all information can point us back to the true God (1 Timothy 4:4, Romans 1:20, Psalm 19:1-4).
Continue reading “Five Ways That Christianity Helps You Think For Yourself”
I know how hard it is to talk about Jesus. It’s the most awkward conversation you’ll ever have. If you even say the whole Gospel out loud right now, it sounds like the craziest thing you’ve ever heard. But the Gospel isn’t some ‘speech’ you unload on people and then ‘leave it in God’s hands.’ Blasting people with theology is like serving icing for dessert. Evangelism is your whole life, it’s sharing your home, it’s enduring patiently, it’s being a human being, it’s availability, it’s sharing Jesus through who you are; not perfectly, but passionately. Yes, invite them to church and to that revival and talk about your faith and your testimony, but once you dare to go there, just know you might be rejected immediately, a lot, and aggressively. Except secretly they can’t deny there must be something to it, because you’re not just a billboard. You’re an overflow of a barely containable supernatural miracle.
— J.S. from What The Church Won’t Talk About
Writing this one meant a lot to me as it contains real stories from real people with heartache, loss, and (not-so-easy) redemption. I often recounted these stories with tears and prayers. Life doesn’t always wrap up in a bow-tie with a neat little lesson at the end, but people still choose to endure despite all that has happened. Even brokenly, they crawled forward and went on.
I hope you’ll consider picking up the book. It’s on sale for 8.99 in paperback and 3.99 in ebook. It’s meant for you if you’re hurting right now, and meant for your friend if they’re hurting too.
Be blessed and love y’all. — J.S.
http://www.amazon.com/Mad-About-God/dp/0692390472/
flower-detonation asked a question:
I’m a Christian that’s been reading your blog for a few weeks now and I’m blessed to have found your blog. However, I’ve read a lot about how Christianity is actually based on ancient Egyptian religion and philosophy and pretty much white people took these ideas and made it into Christianity. So i guess my question is that I am fooling myself for believing in the “white man’s religion” cuz to me it doesnt make what’s said in the Bible any less true but is the Bible an allegorical text then?
Hey dear friend, thank you so very much for your kind words. Thank you also for the challenging question.
Let’s consider the following three things.
Continue reading “Is Christianity Just a Copy of Other Religions?”
my-heart-beats-only-for-you-god asked a question:
Hi Pastor J.S, so my question is: How can I accept myself being introvert? That’s my personality, but sometimes inside and outside the church, people seem to make jokes about it, saying that I’m to shy or I’ve never talked and so on. Sometimes I feel sad about that and it really affects me emotionally. I know I have to adapt in those kind of situations, but how can I accomplish that?
Hey dear friend and fellow introvert! Alas, we have found one another.
I’ve learned two things over time about being introverted:
1) I love being an introvert. Really. I’m happy to be who I am.
2) I don’t have to let the label “introvert” make decisions for me or to wholly define me.
I think no matter where you go, whether you’re an introvert or Christian or irreligious or you’re part of twelve fandoms, someone out there won’t understand it. Maybe a lot of people won’t get you, at all. That’s a part of life and a part of who people have unfortunately decided to be (and we still need to have grace there). If they did get to know you, I’m sure they’d discover the great quirky wonderful person you are. But even if they don’t, you can still be the great quirky wonderful person you are. That’s not decided by how they think about you or how you think about you.
rosemarychungphotography asked a question:
Is it possible to be a worse person after attending church for so long? I feel like I was more disciplined and had better character and integrity when I wasn’t a Christian.
Hey dear friend, thank you so much for your honesty and for bringing up something that we all feel, but don’t dare to express.
I think the answer, as unhelpful as it might be, is yes and no. I notice a similar pattern among Christians – most of us experience huge growth spurts in the beginning because it’s all so exciting and new, but then it turns into begrudging obligation and critical self-punishment. It seems to happen in about 99% of the Christians that I know.
The irony perhaps is that the stronger you grow in faith, the more you become aware of your own faults and flaws. Christians are sensitive to their own shortcomings because we actually care, and when we grow in maturity, we stop making excuses and we quit the rationalizations. A sure sign of an immature person is one who cannot take responsibility for their own actions and won’t own up to their part; it was always someone else’s fault or an environmental factor. It could be true, but it doesn’t make us less sinful.
So you’re becoming self-aware, and seeing how bad our sin really is. When we get a glimpse of God’s holiness, we can’t help but feel wretched and naked and low. Even in the presence of better people, of skilled musicians or writers or scholars, we tend to feel like our progress was “dirty rags” (Isaiah 64:6). In the presence of God, this is amplified to an unbearable level. Because of Scripture, we suddenly have a very clear view of our issues – we regard them as sin instead of mistakes, and so we get very hard on ourselves.
I always want to know when I’m wrong. Really. I’m aware I’m never the smartest guy in the room. I want to remain teachable. Being wrong is not the end of the world. I want to be open to a thought I’ve never had, even if it threatens what I’ve always known. Even if we disagree in the end, I want to have considered every possibility before landing on solid ground.
If there’s a better way or some angle I’m not seeing, I’d like to know. If even one percent of what we’re saying can help someone see a little further, it’s worth saying and worth learning. There’s no pride or joy in holding onto an idea just because “we’ve always done it that way.” Some convictions are lifelong and eternal, but there’s so much that is fluid and flexible.
I hope we can give someone else the chance to change their mind, too. No one gets it right every time, and almost never the first time. And I hope we can respect those who remain firm. There’s a difference between rigidness and resolve. One is stubbornness but the other is integrity. One is a wall that must be broken, and the other is a seed that must be nurtured.
— J.S.
I default to doubt very easily. There are entire seasons I’m not sure He’s real and I’m ready to throw the Bible in the trash. Maybe that’s too candid, but I look at our “Bible heroes,” and they often skated the edge, too. Their victories were interspersed with so many valleys.
But you know, I keep serving anyway. I keep acting like God exists. I keep loving people. I keep obeying His commands, as far-away as they feel. I force myself into the church community. I put my tiny little shred of faith into His Son. I pray, even if it’s a few words at night. I read Scripture, my heavy head on a pillow as the app shines its tiny little screen into the darkness. And most days, that meager little mustard-seed-faith is just enough.
It sounds like legalism, but effort is not legalism. It’s only legalistic to presume that God’s law can save, which leads to self-righteousness. I don’t believe merely following God’s law will save me. I believe following His law will lead me back to the heart who made me. As C.S. Lewis said, I’m trying to trace the sunbeam back to the sun. The days I succeed, I praise God. The days I fail, which are many, I continue on by the bare skin of my teeth.
I’m learning this is okay. I’m learning we are works in progress looking towards the work finished, Jesus.
— J.S. from What The Church Won’t Talk About
faithunsinkable asked a question:
Any advice for someone wanting to go to seminary or divinity school but it terrified of losing their faith?
Hey dear friend, thank you so much for your honesty. It sounds like you’ve heard all the horror stories about people going to seminary and completely losing their faith by graduation. It happens frequently. As a pastor once said, “Knowledge is essential, but not sufficient.”
I think the academic angle of learning the Christian faith is absolutely important, but it does tend to dry up our relational connection with Him and the church. I clearly remember this happening to me during my first year, and though I didn’t have it as bad as others, I had to fight hard not to get jaded.
Continue reading “Terrified of Seminary: Wisdom For The Rookie Seminarian”
tavanilla asked a question:
Do the “Holy Spirit” chills really come from the Holy Spirit? I feel like Christianity nowadays is based purely on feelings. I myself am a victim of this; chasing after that “feeling”. I know a relationship with God is more than just that feeling, but I want to ask you, what is “that thing” the surpasses those chills the come out of nowhere?
Hey dear friend, I’ve also heard of the “Holy Spirit chills,” also known as “the Spirit is really moving” or “I got the Ghost” or “I got totally wrecked.” I honestly thought it was a fun, goofy way of saying that we’ve connected with God on an undistracted level, but some of us are also very serious about the Spirit changing our body temperature, instead of changing our hearts. (#JesusJuke)
The thing is, I have nothing at all against the emotional element of Christianity. It can certainly be over-emphasized to a fault, but we’re all emotional beings. We’re meant to feel. Denying emotions can kill us. Some of us are never bothered by injustice or sin or never taken up by beauty and glory. We need to be spoken to in this emotional place if we’re to be well-rounded individuals who can have joyous community. Feelings are not the point, but without feelings, it’s all pretty pointless.
Continue reading “The “Holy Spirit Chills” and Chasing Emotions In Church”
Every once in a while I’ll meet someone with a lot of tattoos or a ton of piercings or who curses a lot, and when they find out I’m a Christian, they suddenly apologize for their demeanor and try to cover up. I always feel terrible and then I have to apologize just as quickly – because I don’t ever want anyone to feel pre-judged around me. But that’s often how Christians are seen. We judge, condescend, categorize, divide, bicker, and moralize. This is the message we give the most, and it really breaks my heart. I wish new people would feel the most comfortable and safe near me, like they did with Jesus. When someone says, “I knew you were a Christian,” I’m always hoping that’s a good thing.
— J.S.
I believe that sometimes, pain is just pain.
Sometimes it just hurts.
Until we see the face of God, we mostly won’t know the why. Even then, I’m not sure there will be a neat bow-tie at the end.
In the waiting, I don’t want to moralize my pain. I refuse to connect the dots at someone who is hurting in the lowest bottom of their soul. I cannot pretty-up grief with retrospective hindsight or poetic reflection. I will not diminish someone’s tragedy into an allegory. I cannot take a human wound and flip it into a cute outline for my logical sensibilities.
Pain sucks. It’s dirty. It’s not fit for books and movies. It doesn’t always resolve. It’s not romantic. It doesn’t need an answer or a fix-it-all. That drives me crazy, but nearly every answer has always come up short and trite and impractical. Pain is a terrible teacher who we try to force answers from, but maybe we’re demanding something that it can’t give.
I want to let pain be as it is, because it’s part of what makes us human. It’s to be experienced, not always explained. I’m trying to be okay with that. I’m trying to live with the wounds. I want to let life unfold, not to escape or avoid or deny, but to let the deepest hurt become part of me, a part of our human story.
—J.S
You don’t have to have it all figured out yet.
Maybe a few hundred years ago, a 12 year old had to bodyslam a bear and turn it into a raincoat while marrying his third cousin in the shelter he made from a cactus, but these are not those days. Don’t let someone guilt you into the “Golden Years.” You are you, this is today, and it’s okay to be searching a little.
Anonymous asked:
How can I return to my First Love? I feel like I have a really strange struggle: I don’t desire God. I’m not doubting God, but I doubt my devotion cause of my idolatry. I’ve had this problem for a few years: I love reading books on systematic theology and listening to online sermons and serving, but I struggle to read the bible or pray or love God daily. Maybe this is just the curse of a reformed Calvinist (you joke about us all the time lol). I almost want to unlearn everything to love Him again.
My very dear, dear friend: welcome to the Christian life.
Let’s tackle this one at a time. Please feel free to skip around.
J.S. Park: Hospital Chaplain 