“How Do You Keep Believing In All This Faith S—t?”

[A pastor’s confession.]

Often I’ll have a friend from childhood find out that I’m a pastor and they’re downright incredulous; they’re just as surprised as I am that I ever went from atheism to Christianity, much less ministry. “I thought you were too smart for that” or “You were always the wild guy, never thought you’d settle down.” Most of my friends went the other way and fell out of faith like it was a varsity jacket, or an old diaper.  They ask, “How do you keep believing in all this faith s–t?” – not because they’re trying to trap me, but because they’re genuinely curious for a coherent explanation. They do want something.

To be truthful: most times, I don’t have a good answer.

I often wonder myself, How do I keep believing in all this faith s–t?

Sometimes, I find the whole thing just crazy. When I reduce Christianity down to one or two sentences, it sounds ridiculous coming out of my mouth. I believe that if I telepathically offer my cognitive affection to a Jewish zombie who tells us to eat his flesh and drink his blood, then I’ll have immortality and half a better chance to run for political office.

A fellow Christian will tell me, “Oh no, doubt is a good thing, it means you’re at the edge of solidifying a deeper faith by investigating your most foundational beliefs.” Which I guess could be true.

A fellow atheist will tell me, “Oh no, doubt is a good thing, it means you’re at the edge of coming back to reason and shedding a fear-based crutch that’s having less relevance and respect in the world.” Which I guess could also be true.

Both would say, “You’re finally being intellectually honest.” Both say, “You’ll come around.” Both say, “If they could just admit they don’t have everything right.” Both say, “They’re just so blind and have the same boring arguments and the ‘burden of proof‘ is on them.” Both are rude, unthoughtful, unmoving. And of course, they both love to yell ad hominem.

It all just sounds the same to me. I could quit believing. I could keep believing. I could walk away. I could walk harder.

Continue reading ““How Do You Keep Believing In All This Faith S—t?”” →

Wedding Ceremony.

BW wedding ceremony


My wife and I during the wedding ceremony. She was crying; apparently I had a dust cloud over me.
— J.S.


First Wedding Photo.

jjpark-02


One of our first wedding photos from the photographer. I proposed a year ago on Valentine’s Day, the best decision I ever made.

— J.S.


Justice and Dignity for Ryo Oyamada

image


Ryo Oyamada, a 24 year old student from Japan, was struck and killed by an NYPD vehicle in a hit & run.  Witnesses say the police car had no lights or sirens on and was going over 70 mph.  The released footage by NYPD was proven to be heavily altered in a cover-up, showing “lights” on the vehicle, when compared to footage from the NY Housing Authority on the same street with the same timestamp.

On a personal note: I know that this will probably not be shared or reblogged very much, because Asians are not very prominent in American culture.  I understand this, because Asians (like me) are partially at fault for being so passive.  But I am begging you to please consider signing this petition out of human decency.  Ryo was just a student walking home, then struck by a nearly silent police cruiser going at excess speed, and the NYPD covered it up.

Here is the side-by-side comparison of the released video footage, including updates from the case.  This article contains a link to a graphic video moments after the crash, showing the body of Ryo Oyamada and NY citizens yelling at the police.  Please advise, it is highly disturbing. 

And the following is an excerpt from the petition, which as of this writing only has 286 signatures.

On February 21st, 2013, Ryo Oyamada was struck and killed by a police cruiser while crossing the street.  NYPD claimed that the cruiser’s lights and sirens were on before the collision, but multiple eyewitnesses stated otherwise, that the lights and sirens were only turned on afterwards, and that the cruiser was speeding in excess of 70 mph down a residential street.  None of these eyewitnesses were interviewed for the police report.


This was originally posted on my Tumblr, and the post has now gone viral. It’s at over 33,000 notes and there are nearly 7000 signatures for the petition.


*Update* 8/28/14 – The petition has almost 12,000 signatures! Peter Chin, the one who started the petition, has also made an update on the petition page.


*Update* 9/8/14 – Over 66,000 signatures! Please keep it going!



Ten Years Ago, I Swallowed A Bottle of Pills To End It All

Just ten years ago, I tried to kill myself over a girl.  She had cheated on me twice so I swallowed a bottle of pills and waited for her to find me dead.  Part of me wanted to win her back and the other part of me wanted to end it all.  Neither worked.

Looking back, I feel a sad sort of pathetic amusement about the whole thing.  To this day, I still struggle with depression and that’s some very serious business, but to actually have tried to kill myself over another person makes me a bit embarrassed.  Sometimes it garners sympathy and affirming looks, but other times I see people back away with incredulity, as if they would never let themselves take their drama so far.

Yet I want to tell the ones who don’t understand: It’s so very easy to get attached to a person, an idea, a “dream,” a type of future, and then get sick to your stomach over every part of it until you want to die.

It can happen to anyone.  Drugs are not the only addictive substance.  There’s this overwhelming soul-withering sickness for people like me who quickly latch onto a person and feed off their being.  We wait for their call and examine their every move and flinch at their every word and hang on their every breath.

It sounds awful, because it is.  It’s a panicked desperation to overly cater to another person’s every whim — and until you’ve been there, you have no clue how low a human being can go to feed the codependency.  It takes so much effort and energy and inhuman strength to remove this horrible addiction from our blood, because it’s been so ingrained into us from years of abuse and abandonment and rejection.  You can’t know how bad it gets until you’re the one sprawled out on the cold tile floor with an empty bottle of pills in your lifeless hand.

Continue reading “Ten Years Ago, I Swallowed A Bottle of Pills To End It All” →

How C.S. Lewis Felt About Everything


A rare picture of C.S. Lewis.

It has been fifty-years since the passing of C.S. Lewis, as well as JFK and Aldous Huxley. It’s also been one-hundred twenty years since Lewis was born.

C.S. Lewis has been the most influential Christian writer in my spiritual journey. He has shaped my spirituality more than any other writer I know. I do not agree with all he says (when do we ever find such a person anyway?) — but he is absolutely a kindred soul. I also love his tales of pulling pranks on his dear hapless friends.

To commemorate, here are some of my favorite Lewis quotes.

Continue reading “How C.S. Lewis Felt About Everything” →

Birthday Campaign to Fight Human Trafficking





Birthday Campaign to Fight Human Trafficking

Last year I donated half my salary ($10,000) to fight human trafficking.

Today, March 7th, is my birthday.  Instead of gifts, I’m asking that you consider donating with me to fight for this cause together ..!

You can donate here to my campaign (scroll to the middle of the page), and all proceeds go directly to fighting human trafficking and sex slavery. 

Please consider giving $5, 10, 25, or any amount you’d like!

 

Here’s what your contribution can do:

  • $50 provides one month of education/vocation training for one rescued girl (age ranged from middle school/highschool)
  • $37.50 provides one month of Health + Hygiene (Medication, toiletries, medical visits, water) for a rescued girl 
  • $250 covers the cost of 6 days of aftercare for a trafficked victim
  • $500 covers the cost of 7 days of legal advocacy

Thanks for considering.  Love y’all!


— J.S

An Interview with One Day’s Wages About Giving $10,000 To Charity




The organization One Day’s Wages to which I had donated $10,000 wrote up an interview with me. Check it out here.

You can also help contribute to fight human trafficking with me.


Here’s an excerpt:

You are donating half of your salary. This is crazy and some might say even stupid. Why did you choose to do this?

Earlier in the year, I listened to a sermon in the car by Pastor Eugene Cho (founder of ODW) from the Catalyst 2011 Lab, and I was pretty much struck dead. The main thing that kept rocking my gut was: You can’t ask other people to do what you’re not first doing yourself.

I had been playing it pretty safe for a while — the typical blogging pastor hoping to stir up his little youth group to bigger and better things, and while there was growth, I just knew I was missing it. Every week I thought, “Well next week we’ll be fired up. God is cooking up something.” But Ephesians 2:10 had been pressing me — you know, those good works God prepared in advance for us to do. I just didn’t know how to fulfill the “do.”

I don’t make a lot of money, but I’m filthy stinking rich compared to the world. I’m sure you’ve heard other preachers go bananas on that before. On that night in the car, Pastor Eugene laid this on pretty thick, but that particular night was different: something just tore open raw inside.

By the time I got to my destination, my face was a slobbery mess. I was kind of crying and laughing and shaking my fist at God all at the same time. My level of “radical” was being challenged to become the biblical norm. I knew I’d be called crazy, but I decided: it would be crazy not to go for it either.

Read the full interview


A story of courage and generosity: Youth Pastor donates half of his salary to fight human trafficking.

Thanks for posting this, Pastor Eugene!