Your sexual identity is not everything about you, because you are a God-created individual who is much more than your urges and appetites and desires.
Both the secular talk show host and the red-faced preacher who set a laser-sight on our sexuality are just squeezing attention to their platforms while reducing human beings to human do-ings. That’s a no-win.
— J.S. from What the Church Won’t Talk About
A friend told me he left his church because the pastor finally said something he did not agree with.
I asked him what it was. Something about feminism. He couldn’t remember too well.
I asked him, “So that’s it then?”
He said, “Of course. I mean now I know who this pastor really is.”
There could’ve been a legitimate reason here, but even if not: I understand, because the second I can drop someone, I usually do. It’s this sick part of me that can’t stand it when someone else thinks differently than I do.
More than ever, we’re an easily offended culture. We are vocal paper tigers. The blogosphere has exposed us as absurdly critical creatures, each of us with an impetuously loud voice that makes up for our real personalities. The shyest kitten becomes a German shepherd on a blog. I know this because I’m like this. We know it shouldn’t be this way: but we are just so bad at disagreeing, it’s nearly an artform.
Continue reading “I Don’t Like That One Thing You Said Once: Moving Past Disagreements”
Anonymous asked a question:
Could you help me get a perspective on pride? It always lurking in me. I might do something good just because the opportunity was there, but afterwards, I want to share (brag) about what I just did. I don’t, because I don’t want to look like I’m bragging (about something so small, at that [appearances/pride]). I want to do more, but if it’s hard to stay humble about small things, then how can I handle greater things? And does this desire for greater come from pride?
Hey dear friend, thank you for your honesty and for every ounce of your self-awareness. While I can’t hope to cover everything about pride, let’s consider a few things together. This may be a jump-off where you can begin your own thoughts on moving forward. As always, please feel free to skip around.
1) The tricky thing about pride is that most people don’t know they have a problem with pride. Including me.
The fact that you can even articulate this about yourself is a step forward — and the tricky thing is that this could make you even more prideful.
I knew someone who used to say, “I don’t struggle with pride, it’s not one of my issues,” and I laughed, because this is exactly what pride does. Pride is a false self-elevation of our own morality and performance, so that we’re constantly looking down on others and up on ourselves.
Even worse, when I laughed at this guy who was blind to his own pride, then suddenly I became the prideful one by mocking his lack of humility. That’s how slippery this whole thing really is. I’ll go so far as to say, pride is the root of every sin, and perhaps the ultimate human problem that Jesus had to die for.
Continue reading “That Tricky, Slippery Monster Called Pride”
When I lean in to love on someone, I don’t want to tell them how they should be, I want to tell them how they could be.
— J.S. from The Christianese Dating Culture
The world is a mess but I still have hope, because many of us still care enough to say, “The world is a mess.” We know something is wrong and ought to be put right. We know nothing is as it’s meant to be.
— J.S.
nblomblr asked a question:
Is God sovereign over our mistakes?
Hey dear friend, I believe He is. However, I see what you mean by the question. There’s a double-edge to it, because if “God is in control,” that means we’re not responsible for our actions and we could do what we want. But if God is not in control, then He wouldn’t be God either.
I can’t hope to fully explain the whole thing about sovereignty and our responsibility, because this is a paradox and my 3 lb. brain is allergic to paradoxes. But I do believe that God is somehow both in control while we’re each responsible for our choices. I don’t know how it reconciles. C.S. Lewis offers a little help when he says,
“Whatever you do, He will make good of it. But not the good He had prepared for you if you had obeyed him.”
I leave a few things to mystery. I hope that’s okay. I know our Enlightenment-conditioned minds are afraid to do this: we all have this wild urge to make narrative sense of our lives because we’re so trained towards Westernized formulas. Growing up as an Easterner, the “mystery” part was never a problem for me. I left some things to the unknowable void of human limitations and bowed down to a universe I could not always understand. This isn’t satisfying, but neither is trying to understand dang near everything. As the priest said in Angels and Demons,
“My mind cannot comprehend … my heart is not worthy.”
But to answer closer to home, I do believe God works with our mistakes.
We’re married. 🙂
— J.S.
Here are the Top 14 Most Viral Posts from this blog of 2014, ranging from topics like singleness, homosexuality, racism, quitting porn, Mark Driscoll, and a confession about my brush with a celebrity pastor.
Tomorrow, I get to marry my best friend.
— J.S.
For God so loved the world that He sent His one and only Son to die for your mean neighbor and your crazy roommate and the picketing bigot and the racist blogger and your gay friend and all the politicians and our crazy parents and the pastor down the street and the uptight religious folk and the girl at work you can’t stand, because Jesus didn’t just die for the people you like, but for people like you and me.
— J.S.
Faith is: growing in the certainty of God’s love by the proof of Him sending His Son to die and rise for you, knowing that He wants to spend the rest of eternity with you.
When you believe this, then four things are certainly true —
Continue reading “No Matter What You’ve Heard: You Are Loved”
hayleylepugh asked a question:
What do you mean by skeptical Christian in your description? Don’t you have strong faith? (I’m not asking this in a rude way, I’m just genuinely curious.)
Hey my dear friend, I was an atheist for longer than I’ve been a Christian, so my natural default mode is to doubt, a lot. There are days I think this whole faith thing is crazy and I want to throw the Bible in the trash. I’m sorry if that’s too candid or honest. But it’s one of those things in the church we just don’t talk about, and I’m learning I’m not alone. It’s the entire point of this blog.
When Moses parted the Red Sea, I’m sure there were Israelites saying “In your face you Egyptians!” — but then another group was screaming the entire way through. Yet they all made it by grace. I’m one of the screamers.
I’m not endorsing a halfway lukewarm faith. I believe God wants us to have a robust, vibrant, thriving relationship with Him. But at least for me, I’ll be limping to the finish-line. I’m more Peter than Paul. I’m more Martha than Mary. I’m more David than Daniel.
Continue reading “The Skeptical Christian Limping to the Finish Line”
mythoughtfulmind asked a question:
Hi! Within the last 6 months or so, I’ve thought a lot more about relationships than I ever have before. I’ve never been in one & it gets tough to see so many around me sometimes. With the secular world telling me to get out there, and the Christian views saying I just need to wait & “don’t worry, relationships are hard & being single is good!” sometimes I don’t know what I’m even “allowed” to feel among my Christian peers about this adventure of dating. Advice for a girl not sure what to think?
Hey my friend, first please allow me the grace to point you to my book on dating. It actually talks about the very issues you’re talking about. I’m sorry for the shameless plug, but it’s less than nine bucks and I think it’ll at least jumpstart your own thought process on relationships.
The truth is that you’re going to hear about a billion different opinions on dating. In the book I discuss how we’re all living within the reactionary backlash of someone else’s thoughts, so each opinion on dating (or life or faith or politics) is just a response to another response. That’s why we have the bizarre subculture of Christian dating versus the cool casual hipster pastors who shrug at purity.
My humble opinion is:
Prayers for the families of Liu, Ramos, Brinsley, Kondek, and Parilla. Prayers for NY, for our country, for the world.
— J.S.
deliveredfish asked a question:
Hello. I understand that my own works could never get me into Heaven, and it’s pointless to weigh myself down with rules and moral obligations. Nevertheless I do believe that genuine faith results in a changed lifestyle, and that good works are a byproduct of faith. This causes me to question the sincerity of my own faith, as I notice that my natural inclination is to sin/my nature is still corrupt/I don’t display much fruit of the spirit. I miss feeling secure in my salvation. Any advice?
Hey my dear friend, I absolutely believe that a follower of Christ is going to have evidence of change in his or her life. But please consider a few things before you go too hard on yourself.
Continue reading “I Believe But I’m Not Changing: Where’s The Fruit?”
The Christian life can’t just be about running away from sin: but is ultimately about running to Him. That means finding His mission, His purpose, and His heart for you. It means asking for His wisdom in how to discipline yourself, to be shaped by His truth, to be restructured in His image. It means bonding with other like-minded individuals to live out your God-given calling. It’s so fully experiencing the love of God that you are shaken down to your very core, melted and tenderized by His grace to never go back, but only pursue Him forward.
— J.S. from The Christianese Dating Culture
What I’ve learned about Sundays is that everyone mentally agrees with the pastor and has no problem with values like love, peace, joy, and forgiveness. But on the way home, back into the world on our phones and Facebook, that three-point sermon doesn’t work in the heat of the moment. We can amen a sermon on loving others, but rush hour traffic turns us all into demon-possessed pagans. Because we’re human. That’s why every Sunday has to point to the Savior, who didn’t just save us once, but is also the daily grace we need to make it a day at a time. He’s our hope in traffic, in our jobs, with our spouses, with raising children, and choosing better when we most want to explode and give up. He gives us humanity when we least want it.
rosemarychungphotography asked a question:
How do you deal with church burn out (exhausted from serving, attending church, etc.) and the pain associated with it?
Hey my dear friend, thank you so much for your honesty.
Four quick thoughts on church burn-out:
1) Please be absolutely honest about what’s going on.
Please talk with your pastor, your leaders, your team. I don’t mean that we can go around saying “This church is burning me out.” But sometimes simply talking it out can both release your clenched burden and also help navigate your feelings. While complaining can be toxic, keeping it in is even more unhealthy. Have a time with your pastor when you can say every single thing that’s on your mind, no matter how small you may feel it is.
The next time you walk into a room full of people, I want you to see how they talk and interact and exchange and tell stories and make jokes. Simply watch, listen, soak it in.
Soon you’ll see there’s a hidden anxiety underneath all their language, a deeper sort of quest for each person to validate their individual existence. You’ll see this web of tug-of-war where everyone is pulling, clawing, scratching, grasping for this weight.
It’s like there’s a secret limited stash of golden currency in the air, and everyone’s fighting for it by telling the better story, bragging about their bank account, trying to be the funny guy, showing off their intelligence, dropping famous names, wearing a name, holding up false bravado, pretending to be a mystery, masking their voice in tight controlled expressions of eloquence.
You know what this is: insecurity. Everyone’s fighting for glory to cover the emptiness, that vacuum fracture. And even when they get the glory from that room, it will never be enough: because we weren’t made for the temporary glory of this earth. Our true glory is beyond the room, outside one another, from on high.
J.S. Park: Hospital Chaplain 